How to handle conflict in church?

HOW TO HANDLE
CONFLICT IN CHURCH

Major portion of this presentation are from:
U.S. Agency for International Development; Training of Trainers
Manual: Conflict Transformation and Peace Building in Rwanda
Authors: Babu Ayindo and Janice Jenner from the Center for
Justice and Peace building
Core Negotiation Skills: One Day Primer from Velsoft Training
Future Leadership, Old Issues, New Method by Douglas Johnson II
Understanding Conflict: University of Vermont and Pacer Center
Beauty of Christ through brokenness by KP Yohannan
Blessed are the Peacemakers by Neil Anderson and Charles Mylander
Contrarian Book, Renegade Pastors churchleaderinsights.com
Collated by Rimalyn Siriban
No copyright infringement intended. For ministry purposes only.

COURSE OBJECTIVE:
FIRST PART
1. Definition of Conflict
2. Functions of Conflict
3. Causes or Sources of Conflict
4. Avoiding Deep Chaos
5. Management of Deep Chaos
6. Power

COURSE OBJECTIVE:
SECOND PART
8. Conflict Mapping
9. Conflict Analysis
10. Personality Profile
11. Roles Played in Conflict

COURSE OBJECTIVE:
THIRD PART
12. Communication Tools
13. Terms and Conditions in Conflict
Resolution
14. Thinking gray and free
FOURTH PART
14. Basic Outcomes of Conflict
15. Ministry Positioning Statement

Conflict is a natural and necessary part of our
lives. The paradox of conflict is that it is both
the force that can tear relationships apart
and the force that binds them together.
This dual nature of conflict makes it an
important concept to study and understand.
U.S. Agency for International Development; Training of Trainers Manual: Conflict
Transformation and Peace building in Rwanda
DEFINITION OF CONFLICT

“Conflict” usually refers to a hostile
encounter, a collision of divergent
ideas, interests, or persons.
Synonyms include
“disagreement”, “clash”, “divergence”, “ar
gument”, “quarrel”, “discord”.
Conflict is the collision of differing desires.

When the rams are following their
shepherd and looking to him, their
woollies rub each other companionably;
but when they look at one another they
see only each other’s horns.
- Z.A. Salik, Living Quotations for Christians

Conflict is a difference in opinion or purpose
that frustrates someone’s goals or desires
- Attorney Ken Sande
Conflict begins when people disagree, often
sharply. It emerges when people want
their own way and believe it is the right
way.

People hold competing loyalties, fight over
limited resources and want power to
bring about change. That could start
good and end up bad.
People creates problems, and problems have
process, a history.

Conflict is an inevitable and
necessary feature in every organization.
The challenge facing leaders is not
elimination of conflict, but rather, how to
effectively address conflict when it arises.
In an organization in conflict, leadership
should organize a body or a panel are
called on to serve as a mediator.

 Conflict Resolution require particular skills
and techniques to tackle the issues in a
constructive fashion.
 Conflict can be managed negatively
through avoidance at one extreme and the
use of threat of force at the other.
 Conflict can be managed positively
through negotiation, joint problem solving
and consensus building.

Some of our learned responses are
constructive, but others can escalate conflict
and raise the level of danger. How we choose
to handle confrontation is largely based upon
our past experience in dealing with conflict and
our confidence in addressing it.
One can start to change destructive responses
to conflict by learning to assess the total
impact of negative responses and acquiring
confidence in using tools and techniques of
professional peacemakers.

Constructive conflict management is much a
science as an art. It is based on a substantial body
of theory, skills and techniques developed from
decades of experience in international
peacekeeping, peacemaking and peace building.
Acquiring better understanding of the conceptual
tools and skills professional managers use can
help gain confidence in addressing conflict in a
manner which resolves the issues and maintains
or even strengthens relationships.

Understanding conflict and seeking right
solution require a biblical worldview, and
that requires an understanding of the
spiritual battle that is going on in the
heaven lies, spiritual realm.
Blessed are the Peace Makers, Neil
Anderson and Charles Mylander

FUNCTIONS OF CONFLICT
We all know how destructive conflict can be.
Conflict can have positive side, one that builds
relationships; creates coalition; fosters
communication; strengthen institutions;
and creates new ideas, rules and law.
Our understanding of how conflict can benefit
us is an important part of the foundation of
constructive conflict management.

1. Conflict helps establish our identity and
independence.
2. Intensity of conflict demonstrates the
closeness and importance of relationships.
3. Conflict can build new relationships.
4. Conflict can create coalitions.
5. Conflict serves as a safety-valve mechanism
which helps to sustain relationships.

6. Conflict helps parties assess each other’s
power and can work to redistribute power in
a system.
7. Conflict can build new relationship.
8. Conflict establishes and maintains group
identities.
9. Conflict enhance group cohesion through
issue
and belief clarification.
10. Conflict creates or modifies rules, norms,
laws and institutions.

5 CAUSES OF DISPUTE AND CONFLICTS
1. DATA OR
INFORMATION
CONFLICT
2. RELATIONSHIP
CONFLICT
3. VALUE
CONFLICT
4. STRUCTURAL
CONFLICT
5.INTEREST
CONFLICT

1. DATA OR INFORMATION CONFLICT
- involves lack of information and
misinformation, as well as differing views
on what data are relevant, the
interpretation of that data and how the
assessment is performed.

2. RELATIONSHIP CONFLICT
- results from strong
emotions, stereotypes, miscommunication
and repetitive negative behavior. It is this
type of conflict which often provides fuel
for disputes and can promote destructive
conflict even when the conditions to
resolve the other sources of conflict can
be met.

3. VALUE CONFLICT
- arises over ideological differences or
differing standards on evaluation of ideas
or behaviors. The actual or perceived
differences in values do not necessarily
lead to conflict. It is only when values are
imposed on groups, or groups are
prevented from upholding their value
system, that conflict arises.

4. STRUCTURAL CONFLICT
- is caused by unequal or unfair
distributions of power or resources. Time
constraints, destructive patterns of
interactions and non-conducive
geographical or environmental factors
contribute to structural conflict.

5. INTEREST CONFLICT
- involves actual or perceived competition
over interests, such as resources, the way
a dispute is to be resolved, or perceptions
of trust or fairness.

An analysis of different types
of conflict the parties are
dealing with helps the
intervener determine
strategies for effective
handling of disputes.

1. Internal Division – widening the
gap between the needs and wants of
people and the possibilities of
satisfying them.
Future Leadership, Old Issues, New Method
by Douglas Johnson II

2. External Division – which is linked
to the organization’s ability to adapt
to its environment.

All accepted methods of control loose
their value in a state of Deep Chaos.
Means such as
education, training, and rewards do
not work.
New Directions are necessary.
Studies reveal that only chaos can
cope with chaos.Future Leadership, Old Issues, New Method

We do know that a state of deep chaos
is a transition that may lead to either
transformation or disintegration of the
system.
The leader’s role is to prevent
disintegration and to assist the
organization in its transformation and
renewal.

Attempts to motivate people by
preaching, pressure, rewards and
punishments generally lead to failure. The
problem is not one of applying pressure to
change the existing state, but how to free
the organization from the binds it itself has
created. The models are filters through
which organizations perceive reality and
give meaning to incoming information.

The work of brokenness is a beautiful
thing. It causes our lives to become the
sweet fragrance before God that was
intended to be. But we can also delay the
work of brokenness by not realizing that
God is the One working behind the
difficult scenes of our lives. Self-love
always delays the process of brokenness.
The Beauty of Christ through Brokenness
KP Yohannan

POWER
Power is an inherent, often confusing part
of any human interaction, including
conflict. To successfully analyze and
intervene in a conflict, the power
dynamics in the situation must be
understood. Some types of power are
easy to see and comprehend; others are
much more difficult.

1. POSITIONAL POWER
Power is based upon the role, or
position, an individual occupies in society.
It is passed from one individual to another
as he or she moves in or out of the role.

2. RELATIONAL POWER
does not reside in a particular individual
but is a property of social relationships.
For example, when you listen to a friend
speak and respect her opinion, you gave
her power. When she listens to you and
respects your opinion, you are given the
power. In relationships, power is fluid and
hard to measure. It can be expanded or
limited as you interact.

3. POWER OF FORCE
refers to physical strength and coercive
mechanism (like guns) Individuals may
use their own strength to impose their will
upon others.

4. 44. POWER OF STATUS
comes from wealth or social standing
within a society. Individuals can use their
money or their social and family ties to
maintain a situation that is to their
advantage or to get what they want.

5. POWER OF KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERTISE
refers to the additional credit and
influence given to those in a society with a
special knowledge and expertise. Power
comes from what they know.

5. POWER OF A GROUP
comes from people acting together for a
cause. The phrase “people-power” is often
quoted. It refers to the individuals when
part of a group. Labor unions and mass
protest, movements have power because
of their numbers.

For those involved in conflict
resolution efforts, there are 3 central
concerns regarding roles of other
actors. One is to ensure that the
necessary roles to each type of activity
(e.g. convener, envisioner, or
facilitator) are being filled.
The second is to ensure that the roles
players work cooperatively to achieve
common goals.

CONFLICT ANALYSIS:
CONFLICT MAPPING
To begin to deal with the spiritual root
of conflict, pray this simple prayer,
Lord, open my eyes to false desires
and selfish desires.

TOOLS FOR CONFLICT ANALYSIS:
CONFLICT MAPPING
1. Identify all stakeholders
2. Assess stakeholders’ relationships
3. Assess power dynamics
4. Identify and assess alliances

TOOLS FOR CONFLICT ANALYSIS:
CONFLICT MAPPING
5. Identify and carefully evaluate some
possible entry points for
investigation and intervention
6. Assess intervener relationships with
stakeholders --
7.Assess your own position regarding
issues and actors

CONFLICT RESOLUTION OR PEACE PROCESS
1. A conflict resolution / peace process is an
opportunity for the education of the whole
organization.
2. Conflict causes disequilibria (lack or loss of
equilibrium; instability) within other realms
of existence, hence the need for efforts of
resolution.
3. In the process of responding to conflict, we
must still respect humans by saving their
face and avoid embarrassing and or
shaming people.
U.S. Agency for International Development; Training of Trainers Manual: Conflict Transformation and Peace building in Rwanda

CONFLICT RESOLUTION OR PEACE PROCESS
4. The language of conflict resolution should
encourage resolution by avoiding
embarrassment and breaking barriers.
5. Face saving creates the space for self-
examination and invites all the parties to
listen to each other.
6. The process of resolving conflicts should be
inclusive. The language was designed to
accommodate different level of meaning so
that everyone was included.
U.S. Agency for International Development; Training of Trainers Manual: Conflict Transformation and Peace building in Rwanda

CONFLICT ANALYSIS
Conflict analysis is the process of looking critically at
a particular conflict to understand the
1. Causes
2. Context
3. Participants
4. Stakeholders and others aspects of the conflict.
Too often, people attempt to intervene in a conflict
before understanding it, with less than positive
results. A thorough conflict analysis provides a basis
for determining interventions that will have
increased possibilities of success.

The following questions and dilemmas are ones
that are useful in a conflict analysis process:
1. Who are the parties relevant to the
conflict situation?
2. What are the positions of each party in
the conflict?
3. What are the needs and interests of each
party? [In other words, what are they
saying without saying? what lies beyond
the spoken word?]

4.What is the relative power, status, and
resources of each part in the conflict?
5. What are the processes they are using to
pursue their interest in conflict with each
other?
6. Within what framework, structure or
system is the conflict taking place?

7. How are the decisions being made and
conflict resolved/ transformed in the
situation?
8. What the external factors impact the
conflict?
9. What outcome does each party expect?

10. What are the possible changes as the
result of the resolution / transformation
of the conflict at following levels:
a. Personal
b. Relational
c. Structural / Systems
d. Culture
e. Spiritual

THOMAS-KILMANN
MODEL
16 personality types
respond to conflict
according to their
preferences.

MEYERS BRIGGS TEMPERAMENT INDICATOR
1. How we gather Energy
 Introvert or Extrovert
2. How we gather data
 Sensor or INtuitive
3. How we make decisions
 Thinker or Feeler
4. How we organize our lives
 Judge or Perciever

“If we could read the secret of
history of our enemies, we should
find in each person’s life sorrow
and suffering enough to disarm all
hostility.”
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Through their thirty-plus years of working
with the MBTI instrument, Damian Killen and
Danica Murphy have developed a model for
applying type to how people respond to
conflict situations.
Killen and Murphy believe that the dichotomy
in which people have the greatest difficulty
using their non-preferred function is Judging-
Perceiving.
Conflict caused by this tension is accentuated
when coupled with a difference in the
decision-making process (Thinking-Feeling).
Tomstuart.org

THOSE WITH A PREFERENCE FOR THINKING
FOCUS MOST STRONGLY ON:
1. What the conflict is about
2. Opinions and principles
3. Analyzing and tolerating
differences
4. Maintaining a firm stance

THOSE WITH A PREFERENCE FOR FEELING
FOCUS MOST STRONGLY ON:
1. Who is involved
2. Needs and values
3. Accepting and appreciating
differences
4. Ensuring give and take

THOSE WITH A PREFERENCE FOR JUDGING TEND TO:
1. Seek resolution
2. Focus on the past and future
3. Be concerned primarily with the
outcome of the situation
4. Experience satisfaction once the
conflict is over
Tomstuart.org

THOSE WITH A PREFERENCE FOR PERCEIVING TEND TO:
1.Seek clarification
2.Focus on the present
3.Be concerned primarily with the
input of participants
4.Experience satisfaction once
the conflict is being addressed
Tomstuart.org

TJ’s – decisive, planned, and
organized; at times critical and
blunt.
TP’s – objective; searches for what
is right; at times stubborn.
FJ’s – warm; seeks harmony; at
times wants to smother with
kindness.
FP’s – sensitive; attuned to people’s
needs; at times worry for everyone.
Tomstuart.org

COLLABORATING
COMPETING
ACCOMODATINGCOMPROMISING
AVOIDING
Source: Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann (1974),Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument. Tuxedo, NY: Xicom Inc.

COLLABORATING
ESFJ ENFJ
COMPETING
ENTJ ESTJ
Males
ACCCOMODATING
ESFJ ENFJ
COMPROMISING
ENTJ ESTJ Females
ISTP INTP ESTP
ENTP
AVOIDING
INTJ ISTJ
ISFJ INFJ

COMPETING: ENTJ ESTJ MALES
behavior is based on a high attempt to satisfy
one’s own interests and a low attempt to satisfy
the other party’s interests. A person chooses to
use power to win with his or her position. The
downside of this style is that it intimidates
others to the point where problems may go
underground and develop into actions that
escalate the conflict.
Competing: Being assertive and pursuing your own
concerns, sometimes at expense of others.

COMPETING:ENTJ ESTJ MALES
1. Standing up for your rights or beliefs
2. Being assertive.
3. Pursuing your own beliefs,
values and concerns.
4. At times, asserting your opinion at the
expense of others.
Understanding Conflict: University of
Vermont and Pacer Center

COMPETING IS BEST USED WHEN:
1. The issue is vital to you, your family, or your
organization, and you need to stand up for
your values and beliefs.
2. It appears that someone needs to take
charge of a challenging situation.
3. There is an emergency or question of safety
and a quick decision needs to be made.
4. An unpopular course of action needs to be
implemented (i.e., you need to enforce rules
in a situation involving safety or discipline).

COMPETING PERSONAL AND
PROFESSIONAL COSTS
1. This style generally sets up “win-lose”
situations.
2. It’s difficult to promote democratic decision-
making and/or creative problem-solving when
a competing style is used often.
3. The sense of power gained by individuals
using this style does not create an inclusive
environment for others.
4. Frequent use of a competitive style can
escalate anger and conflict.
5. If you use this style all of the time, people
may develop a negative view of you.

ACCOMODATING: ENFP AND ESFP MALES
behavior is based on giving up one’s own interests
in order to satisfy the other party’s interests. A
choice is made to yield. This style is appropriate
when the issue is not of great importance to you
and harmony is, or when the other party has all
the power. The downside is that if used
excessively, neither you nor others have an
opportunity to understand your real strength.
Accommodating: Letting go of your own ideas in
order to satisfy others’ interests above your own.

ACCOMODATING: ENFP AND ESFP MALES
1. Letting go of your own ideas in a
conflict, often for the purpose of
satisfying someone else’s interests above
your own.
2. Being cooperative, conceding to the
wishes of others.
3. The opposite of competing.
4. A quick way to resolve a conflict.
5. May involve selfless charity or generosity.

ACCOMODATING IS BEST USED WHEN:
1. The issue is more important to the other
person than to you.
2. You want to demonstrate that you are
reasonable, and/or you realize that you are
wrong.
3. You recognize that by ending the conflict
through accommodation, you will not risk
losing everything.
4. It’s important to preserve harmony or avoid
disruption.
5. You believe that the sense of cooperation you
are building now will enhance relationships in
a way that will be beneficial over time.

ACCOMODATING: ACCOMODATING
PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL COSTS
1. If used too often, an accommodating style
may deprive you of the
influence, respect, and recognition you
deserve.
2. Your professional growth may be slowed if
you don’t give yourself the chance to offer
your own ideas and perspectives.
3. The person(s) to whom you make
accommodations may get their desired
results, but the underlying cause of conflict
may remain unaddressed. Resentment can
occur on the part of all involved.

COMPROMISING: ENTJ AND ESTJ FEMALES, AND
THE ISTP, INTP, ESTP, ENTP OF BOTH GENDERS.
behavior in which each party sacrifices some of
this or her is also a fallback process when
collaboration is not going to produce a fully
win/win solution. This downside is that there may
be missed opportunity for a more creative solution
that would increase resources, productivity and
satisfaction.
Compromising: Middle ground between
competing and accommodating, where you give
up some of your ideas but not all of them.

COMPROMISING: ENTJ AND ESTJ FEMALES, AND
THE ISTP, INTP, ESTP, ENTP OF BOTH GENDERS.
1. Compromising is the middle ground between
competing and accommodating, in which each
of the people involved in a conflict gives up
some things and not others.
2. Compromise can be thought of as “sharing the
pie” or “splitting the difference.”
3. It requires both assertiveness (e.g., standing
up for what is really important to you) and
some level of cooperation (being willing to give
up that which is less important to you).

COMPROMISING IS BEST USED WHEN:
1. All or some of the issues being discussed
are situation are moderately important to
you.
2. The people involved realize that it is more
important to solve the problem than to
“win.”
3. There is a sense that it is possible to
reach a “fair” or temporary settlement.
4. A quick middle-ground solution makes
sense and brings at least partial
satisfaction to all involved.

COMPROMISING PERSONAL AND
PROFESSIONAL COSTS
1. Compromises may cover up the “real issues”
and lead to a future power struggle.
2. Over-use of compromising may result in a
climate of constant negotiation and/or “game
playing.”
3. The fact that “everybody wins” may make you
feel like a group of individuals rather than a
real team.
4. You may experience a sense of personal cost if
you “give in” on values and beliefs that are
very important to you.

If you are too agreeable you are likely to
end up feeling like your needs are not
being met. Sometimes you have to risk
making a stand.
People who are prepared to disagree with
you are likely to be more trustable.

AVOIDING: INTJ, ISTJ, ISFJ, and INFJ
behavior in which there is no attempt to satisfy
either one’s own or the other party’s interests is
found. A choice is made to remain apart from
interactive engagement on the issue. This style is
appropriate when the issue is of no importance to
you or when used as a strategy to buy time for
thinking or “cooling down,” or if the other person
has unyielding power over you. The downside is
that issues may persist and remain unresolved.
Avoiding: Not addressing the existence of conflict.

AVOIDING: INTJ, ISTJ, ISFJ, and INFJ
1. Withdrawing from a “hot” situation.
2. Deciding that this is not a high
priority issue for you.
3. Waiting for a more appropriate time
to deal with the conflict.
4. Concerned that a confrontation may be
damaging to you or others.
5. Don’t feel you have the power or
authority to address the issue.

AVOIDING IS BEST USED WHEN YOU ARE:
1. Deciding that you don’t want to take
on a particular conflict.
2. Choosing not to engage in a
particular conflict.
3. Not addressing the existence of a
difficult issue or conflict.

AVOIDING PERSONAL AND
PROFESSIONAL COSTS
1. Important decisions may happen
without your input.
2. You may have important information,
input or perspectives that others don’t
have.
3. Underlying interests/issues that really
are important to you may not get
resolved.
4. Over time, your silence may make you
feel like your opinions don’t really
matter.

COLLABORATING: ESFJ AND ENFJ
behavior that seeks a way to satisfy fully both parties
interests a win/win solution is found. Issues are
examined that are important to both people and
commitment is made to exploration of alternative
resolutions that address all concerns. The downside
is that the process may involve more time than is
available.
Collaborating: An approach in which people go
beyond their own interests and solutions to create
something new.

COLLABORATING: ESFJ AND ENFJ
1. An approach in which people go
beyond their own interests and
solutions to create something
new.
2. Asserting your own self interests,
while respecting and cooperating
with the interests of others.
3. Meeting the interests of all
parties to the maximum extent
possible.
4. “One for all-all for one.”

COLLABORATION IS BEST USED WHEN:
1. You want to find a solution that meets
all needs and doesn’t compromise
anyone’s critical beliefs, values, or
outcomes.
2. You are using a team approach in
which you are trying to equalize
power, gain commitment, and merge
insights.
3. You have time to work towards a true
collaborative solution.
4. You have authority to implement the
solution.

COLLABORATING PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL COSTS
1. Real collaboration may take a lot of
time. It requires lots of investment in
terms of time, energy and hard work.
2. Problems that need to be solved very
quickly or in the face of threats to
safety may not be the best candidates
for collaborative approaches.

COLLABORATING PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL COSTS
3. Collaboration cannot happen unless team
members have a sense of trust and respect
for one another, as well as a sense of shared
participation and power.
4. There is a need for all group members to
check in with each other to make sure that
true collaboration is occurring. All members
need to feel hear and included. If not, this
may lead to some people feeling that one or
two people are resolving issues while others
are accommodating.

We no longer have anything to boast in
because our outer man is crushed, our
strength is done away with, our reputation
insignificant. It is only Christ within us, in all
His beauty and grace, who can be seen now.
– The Beauty of Christ through Brokenness
K.P. Yohananan

ROLES PLAYED
IN CONFLICT
SITUATIONS

This extensive list of roles shows the
complexity and maintaining peace process.
The range of
skills, knowledge, resources, and aptitude
required to be effective in these roles is
unlikely to be found in one person or
intervening body. Whether by design or
happenstance, when a number of actors are
engaged in different aspects of intervention
work, there are certain challenges that will
emerge.

EXPLORER
Carries messages between
parties and reassures them about
the room for negotiation and
notes areas of common ground.

ANALYST
Conducts political, social or
economic analysis of the conflict
to assist other interveners in
determining causes of conflict
courses of action.

DESIGNER
Helps parties and interveners in
creating a resolution process
which will appropriately and
effectively address the conflict
issues.

ANALYST
Conducts political, social or
economic analysis of the conflict
to assist other interveners in
determining causes of conflict and
courses of action.

COMMUNICATOR
serves as the communication
interface between parties involved
in the process and those outside
the process, such as the
media, general public or
international community.

DECOUPLER
Find ways for external parties who
have become involved in the conflict
to disengage while saving face and
attempts to engage other external
actors who can play less biased roles
in endorsing the process or
encouraging parties to participate.

UNIFIER
Helps with intraparty
negotiations to repair divisions
and assist them in creating a
common understanding of the
conflict and their goals and
objectives.

ENSKILLER
Empowers parties with the skills
required to
negotiate, communicate
interests, analyze scenarios and
research aspects of the conflict.

EDUCATOR
Provide expert opinion or
technical information to parties
about aspects of the conflict
issues.

ENVISIONER
Helps parties think about the
conflict and possible solutions in
new ways by using creative
option generating processes or
bringing relevant data.

EVALUATOR
Helps parties access possible
solutions and their impact on the
resolution of the conflict.

GUARANTOR
Ensures that parties do not incur
unacceptable costs either through
involvement on the process or if
the process breaks down.

LEGITIMIZER
Ensues that parties to accept the
process by granting their
moral, political or financial
approval.

FACILITATOR
Assists parties in communicating to
one another by creating a safe
process for discussions, framing or
reframing the issues and parties’
understanding of the conflict and
fostering a forum for effective
listening and problem solving.

ENHANCER
Brings in resources to expand the
options for settlement or reward
participation in the process.

ENFORCER
Monitors agreements and codes
of conduct so that the momentum
for the process can be sustained.

RECONCILER
Prepare parties for long-term
relationship-building activities
which are designed to reduce
patterns of negative behaviors,
destructive stereotyping and
miscommunication.

INFORMATION
- unprocessed data of every description which may be
used in the production of intelligence. The meaning a
human assigns to data.
KNOWLEDGE
- facts, including procedures, that have been learned
and can be reproduced from memory.
WISDOM
- use of judgment to give knowledge relevance with
specific situational context; soundness of judgment
about the nature of people and the world.

We therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as
though God were making his appeal
through us. We implore you on Christ’s
behalf; Be reconciled to God.
-2 Corinthians 5:20

TRANSITION STATEMENT
1.SMG
2.PPF
3.PREP
4.PROBE
South East Asia Speakers and Trainers Bureau

SMG
1.Story (Good for giving
2.Message advice or for
3.Gain framing your
personal
testimony)

SMG
4 Elements of a good story:
1. Character
2. Scenario
3. Conflict
4. Resolution

SMG
Message and Gain
should be 1
sentence each only
or no longer than
10 seconds total.
Story can be 1:50
minutes long
fill it with details.
s
M G

SMG
TRANSITIONAL STATEMENTS
1. I remember when….
2. My message is…
3. So that…

SMG
1. Naalala ko….
2. Ang mensahe ko…
3. Upang…

PPF
1. Past (Good for
2. Present disagreeing
3. Future without
being too
disagreeable)
DIPLOMACY

PPF
1. In the past….
2. Now a days…
3. I hope that in the future…

PPF
1. Dati….
2. Ngayon…
3. Sana sa hinaharap…

PREP
1. Position (Good for
2. Reason convincing
3. Example people about
4. Position your own
convictions. Is
very persuasive
when given
clear, and specific
examples)

PREP
1. I believe that….
2. Because…
3. For example…
4. That is why I believe that…

PREP
1. Naniniwala ako….
2. Dahil / kasi…
3. Halimbawa…
4. Dahil diyan naniniwala ako…

PROBE
1. Praise (Good for
2. Request presenting before
3. Options hostile crowd, or a
4. Best Option skeptical audience.
5. Explain But requires that
your facts are
complete and
accurate)

PROBE
1. Thank you for ….
2. My request is that…
3. Our options are…
4. I therefore recommend that…
5. So that…

1. Salamat sa ….
2. Ang aking hiling…
3. Ang ating mga pagpipilian…
4. Akin ngayon iminumungkahi …
5. Upang…
PROBE

3 COMMUNICATION STEPS TO DIFUSE
TENSE SITUATIONS
Before tensions get worse, leaders should turn down
the heat and get everyone back on track.
1. Empathize. Listen, and then show that you’ve
heard by recapping how it looks from the
member’s point of view.
2. Offer support. Demonstrate commitment to offer
to lending a helping hand if the situation gets
worse.
3. Invoke higher principles. To get perspective to
remind people of vision, purpose and principles
that make the frustrations worth enduring.

HANDLING HECKLERS
1. Ask as many people as you can.
2. Write down all their questions and discuss
later.
3. Ask them to share what they know.
4. Leave them alone.
5. Affirm and acknowledge only with “thank
you”.
6. Have an assistant approach and intercede
for you.
7. Declare a short break and pacify in private.

ARGUING 101
1.Go on the defensive by
asking questions.
2.Be truthful.
3.Appeal to the interests of
the other person.
4.Defend what is defensible.

THINKING GRAY
- not to form opinions about ideas or people
unless you have to.
A well developed ability to them to think gray
is the best defense a leader can have against
this kind of assault in his intellectual
independence.
Value of suspending binary instincts – free
from all restraints.
The Contrarian, from Renegade Pastors of
Nelson Searcy

Binary Thinking
- Good or bad; true or false; black or white
- Instant in their judgment
Nelson Searcy

Flip Flopping
- A leader have an argument against the
proposition and decides that the proposition
must be false

THINK GRAY. THINK FREE.
THINK GRAY
- not to form opinions about ideas or people
unless you have to.
THINK FREE
- train yourself to move several steps
beyond traditional brainstorming by
considering really outrageous solutions
and approaches.
Nelson Searcy

Listen first, talk later, and when you
listen, do so artfully.
Experts can be helpful but there is no
substitute for your own critical thinking
and discernment.
Nelson Searcy

Beware of pseudoscience masquerading as
incontrovertible fact or unassailable
wisdom; it typically will do nothing to
serve your interests or those of the
organization.
Never make decision until you have to.
Nelson Searcy

THE 5 BASIC OUTCOMES
One party prevails
[2] [5]
Transcendence
[4] Compromise
[3] Withdrawal
+ [5]One party
prevails

[1,2] ONE PARTY PREVAILS
1. The Rule of Man: Fight it out, might is right
(to be avoided)
2. The Rule of Law: Adjudicate, some principle
(like, need, taste)
3. The Rule of Chance: Some random method
4. Compensation: Broadening (triangle),
deepening (double conflict)

[3] WITHDRAWAL
1. Walk away from the situation
2. Destroy or give away the orange
3. Just watch the orange
4. Put it in the freeze

[4] COMPROMISE
1. Cut the orange
2. Squeeze the orange
3. Peel the orange; divide the slices
4. Any other division

[5] TRANSCENDENCE
1. Get one more orange
2. Get more people to share the orange
3. Bake an orange cake, have a lottery,
divide the proceeds
4. Sow the seeds, make plantation,
take over the market
Creating a new reality.

1. FORCE. Parties have virtually no opportunity to
present their case.
2. ADJUDICATION. Parties have opportunity to
present their case but third party, appointed by
state, imposes solution.
3. ARBITRATION. Parties can choose arbiter and
whether the outcome will be binding.
However, solution is imposed by outsider and
may be imposed by law.
SPECTRUM OF RESPONSE TO CONFLICT:

4. NEGOTIATION. Parties formulate issues and find
resolution. However, the final solution might depend
on the relative power of the parties.
5. MEDIATION. Mediator tries to eliminate obstacles to
negotiation that they may include power
imbalances. The parties determine the outcome.
6. RECONCILIATION. The process searches for
solution but also fundamentally alters relationship. All
parties must equally invest and participate.
SPECTRUM OF RESPONSE TO CONFLICT:

CONFLICT RESOLUTION:
TERMS AND DEFINITIONS
1. COOPERATIVE PROBLEM SOLVING
is an unassisted procedure which includes
formal and informal discussions between
individuals or groups. With this
process, parties work jointly to determine the
nature of their differences and look for
creative alternative which will allow them to
meet their needs, desires or concerns.

2. NEGOTIATION
Positional Negotiation parties make offers and
offers and counter offers which they feel will resolve
the conflict. These exchange of offers typically start to
converge on a solution which both parties find
acceptable.
Interest Based Negotiation is designed for parties
who have a need to create or maintain healthy
relationships. In this type of process, parties discuss
the issues which face them and express the interests,
values, needs that they bring to the table.

3. MEDIATION refers to a process
through which a third party provides
procedural assistance to help individuals
or groups in conflict to resolve their
differences.
Mediation is a voluntary process and its
success is linked to the vesting of the
decision-making authority in the parties
involve in the dispute.

3. MEDIATION is a voluntary process
and its success is linked to the vesting of
decision-making authority in the parties
involved in the dispute.
The mediator structures the process in a
way which creates a safe environment for
parties to discuss the conflict and find
solutions which will meet their interests.

3. MEDIATION refers to a process
through which a party provides procedural
assistance to help individuals or groups in
conflict to resolve their differences.
It may be more important that the
mediator is known and trusted by the
parties to the conflict rather than being
seen as impartial.

4. MEDIATOR usually an
independent, impartial person who has no
decision-making authority. It may be more
important that the mediator is known and
trusted by the parties rather than being seen as
impartial.
The mediator structures the process in a way
which creates a safe environment for parties to
discuss the conflict and find solutions which will
meet their interests.

5. FACILITATION is an assisted process which is
similar to mediation in its mediation in its
objectives; however, facilitated processes typically
do not adhere to a tightly defined procedure.
In this type of proceeding, the facilitator works
with parties to increase the effectiveness of their
communication and problem-solving abilities.
The facilitator may be either a third party or a
person within one of the groups who is able to
provide procedural assistance and to refrain from
entering into the substance of discussion.

6. ARBITRATION is a form of dispute
resolution where a third party makes the
decision on the outcome of the dispute.
Typically, the parties appoint the arbitrator
to render this decision.

Non spiritual authorities can negotiate a
truce, but compliance will only be external
and can only be maintained through the
rule of law.
Reconciliation is a ministry of grace.
Blessed are the Peacemakers by Neil

7. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
is a broad term which refers to the many ways
disputes are resolved. Conflict resolution is a
progression from an order based on coercion to
one based on voluntarism. It creates a relationship
not characterized by hierarchy but one marked by
equality, participation, respect, mutual enrichment
and growth. The term also refers to addressing
the causes of conflict and seeking to build new
and lasting relationships between hostile groups.

8. BARGAINING
where interested parties go over their
agreements and negotiates
changes, sometimes one term at a time.
This is the stage where hostility and anger
can become evident, as the parties work
on fine details of an agreement.
Core Negotiation Skills: One Day Primer Velsoft Training

If you were the devil and you wanted to
disrupt the plans of God and cause conflict
within the body of Christ, what would you
do?
You would try to divide the Body of
Christ, because any kingdom divided
against itself cannot stand, but any
kingdom united together with one purpose
will stand.
Blessed are the Peace Makers, Neil

The ministry of reconciliation is unique to
the Church, and it begins with God. The
Apostle Paul wrote,
“Now all these thing are from God, who
reconciled us to Himself through
Christ, and gave us the ministry of
reconciliation, namely, that God was in
Christ reconciling the world to Himself”
- 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

No society can overcome
racism, sexism, classism or any kind of
elitism unless reconciliation has been
appropriated on a personal level through
genuine repentance, forgiveness and faith
in God.

That is why you can not legislate
reconciliation; and that is why the state or
any governing authority, other than the
Church, has not been given the authority
than the Church, has not been given the
ministry of reconciliation.

Every Christian ministry begins with our
relationship with God. We can not impart
to others what we do not possess
ourselves. Once we have been reconciled
to Him, then we can be reconciled to
others. And only when that is
accomplished we can properly exercise the
ministry of reconciliation.

However, being reconciled to another
person may not always be possible when
that person is unwilling. We will share a
process of reconciliation when two people
or people groups desire to be reconciled.

Church discipline is also a ministry of
reconciliation. We will discuss a ministry
of mercy and grace. The goal is to help
people realize that their unforgiving
attitudes and actions are doing to them
and to other, so they will repent.

We cannot carry out a ministry of
reconciliation if we have been guilty of
racism, sexism, or other forms of elitism.
Too often we have been guilty of exclusion
when we should have been setting the
example of inclusion.

Abusive
leadership, sectarianism, liberalism, and
legalism have kept the church from
exercising the ministry of reconciliation.

Reconciliation “katallage”
in Greek word
3 times refer to the reconciliation
between God and humankind. In
Romans 5:11; 2 Cor 5:18-19
In Ephesians 2:16 and Colossians
1:20-21“to reconcile fully”

We can not preach the good
news and be the bad news.
Jesus said “By this all men will know that
you are my disciples, if you love one
another,”
-John 13:35

SYSTEM
SUB-
SYSTEM
RELATIONSHIP
ISSUE

Immediate Short – Range Decade Generational
Action Planning Thinking Vision
(3-6 months) (1-2 years) (5-10 years) (20+ years)
System

We all need to get on the same end of
this rope and pull in the same
direction. If we do, nobody can
defeat us along the run.
-Tommy Lasorda

We are to live before
men an impeccable
and exemplary lives.
The litmus test is this:
If a man has not put things right
with his fellow-men, he cannot
Put things right with God.

How to handle conflict in church?

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